It’s Only Hair

Have you ever looked back at your photos growing up and cringed at the awful hair styles you’ve had? For me that’s a resounding “Yes!” Almost every year or season I changed styles, if you can even call it a “style.” It’s actually quite comical. I own my unique nerdiness, especially when it comes to hair. I like change, what can I say?!

Let me show you what I’m talking about:

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Me at 10 years old with my baby sister. Hair “fails” started young for me. I wish I still had that shirt though!
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I think I am about 12 or 13 here with my Dad and baby sister.
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Ha! This is a classic “hair fail” of mine I like to call my ‘Sister Wives’ do. I was probably 13 or 14. I had a curling iron and a huge can of Aquanet for those bangs. Oh memories…
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I was 14 or 15 here with my Welsh Pony, Pepper, and my dog , Chance. I miss them! But we had good times together and they never once judged me by my epic hair fails.
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The PERM! Yes, I had a few perms I’m not proud of. But that sweet baby there is someone I’m very proud of! This is me at 20 with my first child, Emma.
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At 22/23, I still had hair issues. But it all stems from going too long between hair appointments and choosing cheap service over pricier but better service. Live and Learn…it’s taken me decades but I’ve learned! This picture is Emma at 2 or 3 years old. I miss how little my babies were!

 

 

Yeah, so you see what I mean. I’ve been trying different things with my hair for as long as I can remember, but not always with a good outcome. I’ve only loved two styles and that was when I shaved my head (that felt amazing and was so simple) and when my hair grew out curly and dark with some grey highlights. This year I decided I needed a change and went and colored my hair back to blonde but now I’m wanting to go strawberry blonde or red. Maybe not. I may just shave my head come spring and grow it out all natural again.

The reason I even shaved my head back in 2011 was because I had such a bad hair color application and it couldn’t be fixed and my style was gross, so my husband said “Let’s just shave it and you can start over.” That’s exactly what we did. I was a little nervous because I thought maybe I have a weird shaped head or scars from all the falls I’ve taken off horses and from climbing trees, but it was actually perfect! My husband did the shaving, starting right down the middle so there was no going back! I really loved the feel of it and the way my head tickled when the wind blew over my short wee hairs. Instead of feeling less beautiful or womanly, it was quite the opposite. I felt super sexy and strong, like a true female should.

There you have it. My series of epic hair fails and my most favorite hair style ever: shaved head! I know it is silly to think hair can define a person, but in all actuality it does make statement about who you are. I’m not sure if my constant changing of hair styles means anything about who I am or more like who I’m not. I think it shows that I don’t take myself too seriously and really love a good laugh even at my own expense!

What is your most epic hair “fail” or do you even have one? Some people have flawless hair and good stylists their whole life through. I don’t know what that would be like. Boring?…Great?…I can’t even wrap my head around it, it’s that foreign a concept to me. Some things are better left a mystery, I guess.

Anyway, enjoy your day. Laugh it up and remember: It’s only hair!

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Number 10 of 2015

For number 10, it’s my worst-best moment that comes to mind.

The “worst day” because I felt like my heart was breaking. I almost got divorced. We had even said the words and started talking logistics. It was that serious.

The “best day” because it marked the turning point-you know the one, where it can’t get any worse and must get better from there.

I spent a night alone in the local motel. It was by choice. I had had enough of the fighting. I needed to remove myself from the situation.

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Having teenagers is tough. But when you are fighting with your spouse over parenting these difficult, and selfish, adolescent-beings and then those kids are fighting you over everything and harmony in your house is out of whack…well, what do you do?

My solution was to say “I’m out!” And after a quick stop at the grocery store to grab a toothbrush, magazine, bubble bath, a chocolate bar, a bottle of wine, and a pad of paper I checked in at the motel where I found peace in the solitude and tried to figure out what to do next.

While sitting in a warm bubble bath reading my magazine and sipping some wine (a literal “Calogon, take me away” moment), I felt all the knots and stress leave my body. It had been a hard few months of teen drama coupled with marital strife. I was done.

I love my family, don’t get me wrong. It was out of love that I left the house. If I had stayed, the fighting and negativity would have continued.

While lying in my motel bed, I wrote down all my feelings. I wrote a pro’s and con’s list for everything I considered a solution. I put down my needs and wants. I prayed before falling asleep at 7:30pm.

What I came to realize is that I need put my foot down with how the kids treat me. I am not only responsible for how I treat others, but I am responsible for teaching people how to treat me. If I let people act rude to me or neglect my feelings and I don’t speak up and say “that’s not okay” then I’m partly at fault for how people treat me. I own that. No one reads minds and many can’t read social queues, so I know I have to speak up and tell it to them straight.

I also realized I needed to speak my truth to my husband, again-not a mind reader or even a hint taker. So I spoke my truth to him, which was that I needed more fun times with him and less bickering and I needed better communication.

I won’t lie, it was the hardest week of my life with many tears and heartache, but I don’t regret it. It helped to bring about balance and harmony again in my household. We all have things to work on, like speaking kindly to one another and making time for each other. Sometimes in this fast-moving, busy life of ours we lose sight of the important things. We take for granted the people we love most.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it takes a radical step like removing yourself from the fight and regrouping. It takes putting yourself on the top of your list and tending to your needs for once. It takes courage to admit that you can’t continue down the same path and that things have got to change. It’s hard, because that change could mean so many different outcomes and none of which are known. But you know what? Change is the only thing that will create a new outcome, a better one.

My advice to anyone who is in a relationship that started out wonderful but has grown stale or difficult is to do something different! Because that shit ain’t working and life is too short not to try to have your best life. It’s completely possible.

My kids have gotten so much better at showing me respect, and my husband and I are in such a better place. We are going to renew our vows on our 20th anniversary, in two years, and we are making date-night a priority.

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No one’s perfect and life will never be, but when you have honesty and love in your heart then you are pretty darn close!

Well, that wraps up the top 10 moments of my 2015. It’s been a full year of personal growth and crafty goodness. I look forward to taking what I’ve learned into 2016. I know there will be new challenges and many changes (our oldest goes to college next year and our second oldest will be doing running start), but I know I can handle what comes my way.

I wish you the best New Year! I’ll see you in 2016! ~Tillie